Non-Pool
Topic: funny

women should just let us play pool

>This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in
>Oxford:
>Dear Mrs. Murray,
>While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
>Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you
>and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
>Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by
>our surveillance cameras:
>1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
>trolleys when they weren't looking.
>2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
>intervals.
>3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
>feminine products aisle.
>4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
>"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.
>5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
>told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
>Calor gas stove.
>7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,
>he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
>8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
>mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
>9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
>Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
>antidepressants were.
>10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
>the "Mission Impossible" theme.
>11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look"
>using different size funnels.
>12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled
>"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
>13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
>assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."
>And; last, but not least:
>14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
>while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
>Yours sincerely,
>Charles Brown
>Store Manager
>

lol...my sides are hurting that is soooooo funny...i might do the condom one for a laugh!

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.
     When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate,
     painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15
     years
     they had been married.
        She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
     loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of
     unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
        Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of
     time,
     the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the
     wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

     The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The
     therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife
     needs at least three times a week. Is this possible for you?"

     The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop her
     off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."