Non-Pool
Topic: Do you know any more jokes like this?

Do you know any more jokes with punch-lines like this?

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(you're gonna love this)

(its a real treat)

(a masterpiece)

(wait for it)


The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!

Or this one...

Roy had a brand new pair of shoes. He goes to visit his friend. Being polite, he removed his shoes and leaves them at the door. While visiting with his friend, the friend’s cat discovers Roys new shoes, likes the smell and proceeds to chew them up. Roy goes ballistic. The friend, feeling very bad, has a dilemma: he has two cats. One of the cats enters the room at that moment. The friend then asks: "Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:38 pm    Post subject:


________________________________________
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding ...



Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding .
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your licence please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: I lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle them. A senior officer slowly approaches the car.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the boot of your car, please.
The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!

Don't Mess With Old Ladies
_________________
'It's not grey hair ... it's stress highlites!'

Much better than my jokes!!!

At the risk of being called racist, here is one from Australia:-

Paddy and Mick walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said 'Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair'.
Paddy says to his pal, 'Mick, Look! We could buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent.'
'Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will.' says Mick.
They go in and Paddy says, 'I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100
shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and ......'
The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You're from Ireland, aren't you?'
'Well...yes,' says a surprised Paddy. 'How der the devils playground d' y' know dat?'
The owner says, 'This is a dry cleaners.'