Non-Pool
Topic: Last of the 2007 Joke Threads!

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully Intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

^^^ Surely someone has been sent a better joke than that?

A lovely afternoon finds a man and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such a great afternoon makes a suggestion.
"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."
He thinks this over and decides that it will work. With his wife holding open the barn door he lines up with the hole and gives the ball a terrific "whack"! The ball shoots through the air and right into the head of his wife, killing her instantly.
Months go by, the man mourning all the while. His friends, hating to see him in such a state, convince him to go golfing with them. They end up at the same course and on the final hole, oddly enough, another terrible slice puts the old barn between his ball and the green. Again he begins to rant and rave at what this dilemma will do to his score. He friend, wanting to please him, makes a suggestion.
"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."
"No," the man replies, "last time I did that I got two over par."

Magistrate: 'But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'

My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do?
Take his bike away.

Why did the baker have smelly hands?

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Because he needed a sh1t.

Not really a joke but i thoght i'd put it here anyway

Have you ever broken any of these outdated laws.
The UK's top 10 most ridiculous British laws were listed as:


1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament

2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen's image upside-down

3. It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store

4. Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned

5. If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter

6. In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet

7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen

8. It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing

9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour

10. It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

10. It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

I bet experfluke would love this one....


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Every man dies, not every man truly lives...

best joke ever>>> england football team

lol, you got that wright paddy

They have recently changed the 3 Lions on the England team badge to 3 bloody tampons.... Its to represent our worst f'ing period we have had in a long time

i have another one but i couldnt post it

do you know why some really skinny women have really fat babies & some really large women have skinny babies ?
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they got pregnant !


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P. T. Barnum was right !
www.internationalcuemakers.com
www.jimboarmy.com
www.explorerforum.com

there was this ship wreck and one of the life boats wound up with just an old maid and a parrot.

the parrot constantly squawked, "how's yer old fanny !"

days and days of squawking the same thing, the old maid had enough and shouted at the parrot, "SHUT UP !"

to which the parrot squawked back, "mine too, must be the salt water !"


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P. T. Barnum was right !
www.internationalcuemakers.com
www.jimboarmy.com
www.explorerforum.com

Oxo are thinking of bringing out a new cube to commemorate the England football team, it will be called "laughing stock"!!

st lukes xmas panto for paranoid schizophrenics ended in chaos last night when someone shouted ;he's behind you